Blocking People.

This vom.com post is all about when people block you - no I don't mean on the basketball court or the volleyball court... I mean on Facebook. For those of you who are from the Stone Age (or the seventies) and don't have Facebook or know what this means, let me explain. Blocking someone means that they literally do not exist anymore. You can't see pictures, you can't see wall posts, you can't even search for them on Facebook - they literally disappear. POOF!

Poor Nina...

Don't get me wrong I've done this before but only once... It was a stage-five clinger all up on my Facebook daily, liking everything I did and commenting way too much to be normal. I didn't even really know him and every time I unfriended him he re-friended me within a day. HOWEVER, the kind of blocking I am talking about is not the "someone is stalking me and will probably murder me in my sleep" kind of blocking... 

This is the "we used to date months ago" or the "you are my ex's BFF" blocking. Look- I'm all about blocking people if it is directly after you break up and you don't want to see their face every day or you don't want to see "I am so much happier now" statuses which we all know are not real... But do NOT block someone (specifically ME!) six months after we break up and I'm living at home not even talking to you. That is just ABSURD. Yes, this has happened to me. I'm fine with being ignored by someone in person (even though I think 9 months in a relationship is cause for at least a head nod) but really? On Facebook? Clearly I'm just a very difficult person to get over. (LOLZ) 

Another thing about this blocking business is when they block you on Facebook but still talk to you in person!!!!!!!!! This happened to me with my BFF's ex. He blocked me on FB (that's how the cool kids shorten it) because he couldn't see the pictures of her I posted.. BUT HE ALWAYS SAYS HI TO ME AND TRIES TO TALK TO ME IN PERSON!! (Ummmmmm NO.) If you don't want to see my comical posts on Facebook or my beautiful photos, I am not going to say "Hey Howdy Doo!" in person and act like we are friends. And I'm definitely NOT going to respond to your texts asking me how I am. It just makes no sense. (Not to mention with this kid I was his #1 fan and never said a bad thing about him...UNTIL NOW) 

Let's face it... You kill them. That's how it happens in real life... 

The real issue I have with it is that you can just un-friend someone and have basically the same affect. Or even just unsubscribe to them. Let's face it, Facebook only shows you about five of your friends' activity anyway. No need to erase someone from your life that drastically-unless they are about to come murder you/are stalking you too much. It's also all about the timing- right after a break up? Sure, block away... Six months? Little too long. But my favorite is the frequent un-blocker/blocker I currently have on my hands........ Recently I was re-blocked - That's right LITERALLY two years post break up. Which is whatever but it's also a bit pathetic. Again, clearly even seeing my face is too much for some people and I'm just too difficult to get over without blocking me. (Clearly I am also JKing) 

Even Facebook thinks blocking is extreme and when you do you have to say a reason... Which I personally have never fulfilled... There's no "I miss her too much to see her face everyday without crying" button... 

Anyway, it just makes me say VOM.COM when I see people blocking people. Just don't ever block me unless I am CREEPING you out or you have the sense I will be stalking you... 

Anne Hathaway.

I may offend a few people with this one but I just cannot deal with good ol' Annie. Or I guess I should say "Annoying Ol' Annie" because I really just do not like her. 

First of all, she peaked in Princess Diaries and in my opinion the majority of the reason she did so well in that film was because she started as such an ugly duckling and turns into a beautiful princess who can finally date the boy from Brink! I mean truly who wouldn't enjoy that movie? Since then, however, she has literally played the same character in every single movie she's been in. I'm not saying I don't like the movies she is in, I actually really enjoy most of them but I just think she needs some dimension in her life. She is casted in Les Miserables which is coming out and I'm really nervous. It looks like she does an okay job but she has THE song in it and she is no where close to a powerful singer from what I've researched. (Side note: I had to post this before I see it because I'm banned my mom from saying anything negative about her in it) 

I truly wish she had been left tied up

Second of all, did anyone watch her host the Oscars? Barf-a-mania. She is literally the most self obsessed person I have encountered (not that we're pals but you understand what I'm saying). She spent the whole night FAILING at jokes and trying to get people to just applaud her for being the greatest creature in the world. News flash: You made the Oscars the most uncomfortable few hours of my life. Of course James Franco did not help at all (their chemistry was rough) but at least I'm pretty sure he was on drugs and therefore had an excuse for the failure. 
Here is a small clip from it... 

FAILURE AT IT'S BEST!

Lastly, I just don't think she is that pretty. I mean I guess she's okay but I think the majority of the reason I have thought that in the past is because we were all introduced to her in the beginning of Princess Diaries where, let's face it, she was homely. Also her voice kinda rubs me the wrong way, it almost has a lisp and almost has a British-like accent but it doesn't. 

LOLZ found this online, seemed appropriate.

Alright, this was one of my more disorganized rants but really Anne Hathaway and I would never be pals and I wouldn't wish a marathon of her movies on my worst enemy. 

Oh Annie......

Lol.

I just can't stand when people say this, text this, Facebook this, IM this... Basically just don't use it. It means "laugh out loud" to those of you from the ancient times where people actually wrote out what they wanted to say. Nowadays people just write "lol" instead of "hahaha" or instead of saying "wow, that was funny, I'm laughing." 

The main problem with this "word" is that nine times out of ten the person saying "lol" isn't laughing out loud. I've learned that if they actually think what you said is funny they write "hahaha" or "haha" or "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG IM DYING" (I get that response a lot of course). When they say "lol" they are just saying, "That was almost funny enough for me to laugh at but I'm too lazy to type more than three letters to express that. Of course sometimes they really are laughing out loud but not often. 

The absolute worst part of using "lol" is when people say it out loud. As in not on electronics. Don't say "lol" while you are speaking. It makes NO SENSE. At least while typing it makes some sense because it takes more effort to type out laugh out loud instead of lol but in real life "ell oh ell" and "laugh out loud" are the same amount of syllables (three). So you aren't saving energy. You know what else takes less energy? Actually laughing out loud if something is funny. I know that seems extreme and too genuine to people, but it's just a thought I have when I hear "lol" in the real world.

But really...

The only time it is okay to say "lol" is when you use it with a z at the end. As in "LOLZ" because you are clearly making fun of people who use lol for real. That and "loling" are the only forms that are okay to use in my opinion, because clearly you are being ironic and hilarious in your use of laughing out loud. My least favorite use of the lol option is one hundred percent "lololol." What does that even mean people? "Laughing out loud out loud out loud?" Certainly that makes sense... Oh wait... It doesn't. 

My absolute favorite way to say laugh out loud however is "ROR" which means "raff out roud" (like "laugh out loud" but as an Asian man would say while laughing at how funny you are)... Sorry if you think that's racist. It's not, I love the azns more than anyone (that's how the insiders say Asians). "ROR" is just funny. 

ROR Po' Fried Rice ROR

I know it seems cool to say "lol" at the end of every sentence you text to someone in order to not seem too serious but saying "how are you lol" or "man that sandwich was delicious lol" is not necessary. My favorite use of it was when you say something very serious like "I love you" and at the end add lol ...... Does that mean you are laughing at how funny it is to love someone? Or does it mean "Don't take this too seriously because I secretly don't mean it" I hope you see how unnecessary this word is in the world and how overused it is. 

Overall, don't use lol unless you are busting a gut and laughing out loud so much that all you can manage is typing three small letters, because otherwise I'll be over here vom.coming everywhere. 

Even Miley doesn't think it's a laughing matter

Not Clearing the Microwave.

This always comes up when I'm home. No one ever clears the microwave buttons (so that it reads the time) after using it. This really has me thinking vom.com for a few reasons... 

First of all, just set the microwave to the time you need it to be set to and this will never be a problem. Don't set it for four minutes and stop it at one minute... Just set it for three. The only time I can really approve of stopping the microwave early is when making popcorn, because let's face it those bags NEVER pop at the desired speed. 

Second of all, if you do have to stop the microwave prematurely simply press "Cancel" twice. It's so easy, you're already exposing yourself to all the radiation you could ever need, might as well press the button twice. (Just a friendly public service announcement... It beeps three times at the end because it's getting rid of the radiation... Premature opening of the microwave is dangerous)

How much of a difference does 45 seconds even make?!

The worst part of all of this is, I'll come out of my room after a nap to grab a snack and look to the microwave for the time (because it's at my eye level... AKA above the stove) and see "3:20" and think "OMG I OVERSLEPT AND MISSED MY SHOWS" or "Oh... I only slept for twenty minutes?" Then I realize... "OH NO someone decided to abort heating up their lunch and left me to ponder how long I slept." It's also confusing sometimes: Is the microwave set to one minute? Or is it one o'clock? 

GURL WUT TIME IZ IT?

I know you may be thinking "Gurllll re-to-the-lax, it's just a microwave" but yah know... It's more than that. It's a clock too and when I look at it I don't like seeing "Press Start" flashing across the little screen. So when you heat something up, whether it's popcorn, mac and cheese, or a burrito (I don't know just things I'm craving)... Just press the cancel button twice. Or wait it out and have a delicious HOT meal instead of a luke warm one. 

Ding! Perfect Timing.

Burnt Coffee.

Alright. It's been awhile and I apologize... But I'm back... With a vengeance. One thing that makes me wanna scream VOM.COM?? 

Burnt Coffee. 

Okay, I expect this from places like Jazzman's or the Bistro at school - the coffee isn't good and it never will be. But when I go to Dunkin's or Starbucks, especially Dunks, and I sip on what I assume will be a delicious iced coffee and it's BURNT... I literally wanna throw it out the window (because let's face it, I'm always in the car drinking coffee... I live for drive thrus). 

Where all burnt coffee deserves to be. 

The worst part about burnt coffee from Dunks is that there's literally nothing you can do about it. You can't go back and beg for a non-burnt cup because if one cups burnt the rest is too... And you can't have them re-brew the whole pot because there will absolutely be a lugey floating in your cup if you do. I mean honestly it ruins your whole day. How can you enjoy a cup of coffee if it tastes like your licking pavement, or an ash tray. 

The worst part is of course that it's always in the morning or mid-afternoon when I really need a pick me up when this happens. I personally have been a barista and it's honestly hard to burn coffee, I don't know how people do it but somehow they manage quite frequently and it really is awful. It ruins your day, your mouth, and your breath for sure. 

Me too man, me too... 

This girl is clearly depressed over her cup o' Joe. 

So next time you take a nice big sip of coffee and it's burnt, think of me and chuck up the deuces and throw that NAST cup out the window yelling VOM.COM. 

Smelly smells coffee. 

Mayonnaise.

This is probably one of the only posts that could actually have me vomiting. I hate mayo. I hate looking at it, I hate the taste of it, I even hate the word. I gag just thinking of it. I never eat it. I'm not sure where this disgust for it came from but I have a feeling it was when my sister was younger and would ask for "Mayonnaise Sandwiches" yes, you guessed it: nasty, chunky, slimy mayonnaise in between bread. VOM.COM... 

About to lose my lunch over this picture. 

I never eat mayonnaise as I said above... It's not just mental, if it's on a sandwich I can tell. I usually just eat turkey sandwiches, just turkey and bread. Let me tell you people think I'm weird but I've thrown many a sandwich out or given them away because I can detect the mayo. You may be thinking "I've seen this girl eat potato salad and chicken salad" well news flash I scrape as much of the mayonnaise off each little parcel of food before putting it in my mouth - watch me closely next time I'm at a picnic or cookout, I basically just eat the chunks of potatoes and chicken.


The fact that people eat mayo after seeing what it looks like I do not understand. It's chunky and nasty and makes me think of throw up, especially in large quantities. At work this summer I had to transfer mayonnaise from a huge tub into little personal containers and it was literally the worst day of my life. I had to stop halfway through and bribe someone else to finish the job. The truth is whether it's in large quantities or small packets it still looks like puss. No. Thank. You. 

I've had many poor mayo moments in my life, like having to watch a Fear Factor remake at camp where the contestants had to eat a bucket of mayonnaise with their bare hands, plain. Gross. I would have preferred watching them eat live spiders or eaten the live spiders myself than witnessing that. The worst though was when I had a babysitter who loved mayonnaise probably more than life itself and would eat the stuff plain, on hamburgers, on french fries, etc. But the most horrifying moment was when we were at McDonald's and she grabbed a packet of it and spread it on her straw and sucked her coke up through the straw taking the mayo with it! I almost died. I've never been the same since. 

I would honestly prefer to die than have to do this.

If you ever do this, do me a favor and stop being my friend. 

This post is getting to be a little too much for me but I will leave you with this. NEVER come near me with mayonnaise, even in a joking manner because the joke will be on you when I throw up all over you and your sandwich. 

Brad and Angelina.

So I'm pretty sure I'm one of the only ones who feels this way, so please don't have a heart attack or disown me but I CAN'T stand this couple. They give me a bad taste in my mouth and make it so that if they are pictured in a magazine or on television I turn the channel or throw the magazine across the room. 


Why you might ask? Well, I'm going to bring you back to 1998 and a beautiful happy couple that everyone (including myself) fell in love with... Brad and Jennifer. Remember them? Because I do. They say you don't forget your first love and this was one the first celebrity couples I really loved (besides Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears of course). And maybe that's why I'm so bitter but still... I remember that poor Jenn wanted children but Brad "wasn't ready". I remember how cute they looked all the time. I remember his guest starring role on Friends. I remember a lot. But the main thing I remember was a film called Mr. and Mrs. Smith when it all came crashing down. 

That's right people Brad and Angelina started out as a home wrecking, cheating couple, and cheaters are scum. Okay... I apologize that was a little rough but it's annoying no one seems to remember how they started seeing each other while he still was wearing his wedding ring... And it also annoys me that he "wasn't ready for kids" but the second he was with Angelina he decided to adopt Africa. 


Don't get me wrong I love Brad Pitt and I don't mind Angelina Jolie (sometimes) but together I just can't do it. And just to clear the air... I'm also not hoping for Brad and Jenn to get back together because she's way better off single than with a cheater (anyone is for that matter). 


I mean come on people... I'm not saying they aren't a great couple who do a lot for the world with all their money but they are also a couple who started with infedility. Vom.com at it's best. That's why they were chosen for the celebrity addition of Mystery Couple Monday... I just can't stop the taste of bile creeping up into my mouth when I see them herding around their small army because I can only think about Jenn. 

Clarkies.

A few weeks ago my school was rated one of the most socially awkward schools in America, to be specific it was rated the second most socially awkward school in America. You may wonder how this is possible or why my school? Well I have your answer: Clarkies.


Clarkies are a rare breed in this world. One of the most entertaining breeds that exist, it's very hard to describe them to people who haven't been to my school but once you've been here you know who and what they are. I'll start to describe them to you first from the outside.


They are very interesting in their sense of style. It is very normal here to see girls walking around wearing tutus paired with rainbow leggings and cat ears. I know, you think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. Believe me I wish I was exaggerating. Clarkies can actually make Lady Gaga look normal... Quite often there are girls who don't wear bras, don't shave their legs or armpits, and don't really shower much either. I'm all for "living free" but it's disturbing when you are running on a treadmill letting it all hang lose. What people wear to the gym in general is an interesting experience. I see someone wearing jeans almost everyday and I've even seen someone running barefoot on the machines. The absolute best though is when they come wearing neon leggings, cut off tee-shirts and a high side ponytail. (not as a joke either, they really think that is proper gym attire) Basically if you were to walk around my campus for 30 minutes you would either see people running around in overalls and tie dye socks or athletes wearing all grey or all red sweat pants and sweat shirt combos... That's about as fashionable people at Clark get.

Let's just say I wouldn't be surprised to find out Lady Gaga went to Clark

Very "Clarkie" kind of outfit... Recycled wrappers for fashion

There's more to Clarkies than meets the eye however. They are all about "challenging convention and changing the world" which apparently means recycling and not wasting things. Okay, don't get upset with me here, I am all for recycling or not wasting electricity and food because some people don't have those things but sometimes I just want to throw my trash away in peace. Not at Clark though. Almost every trash can on campus has at least four options (trash, paper, bottles, compost, etc) which makes it very difficult to just throw your trash away in a hurry. Most times I just toss it into whichever is closer but Clarkies get real mad when you do that. Most of the time they actually spend time digging through the trash and sorting it into the proper containers. (vom.com at its finest right there) My opinion is you should really value your own hygiene and dignity over proper recycling. Another "saving the world" act that Clarkies are all about is flushing the toilet. There are special toilets on campus where you are supposed to flush down for #2 and pull up for #1... Sorry about it, I always flush down because I don't touch the flusher. Absolutely not. And newsflash most of the campus flushes down too. Pretty sure it's too much effort to stop, look, and then flush.

Literally found on every toilet at Clark

Where you can throw your trash out... Or find a Clarkie

The best example of Clarkies trying to change the world had to be the "Occupy Clark" movement, however. Instead of protesting outside or on Wall Street, our Clarkies took over a space in our Academic Commons (AKA our library). Literally pitched a tent, brought sleeping bags, food, an air mattress, and their homework and sat there for about a week. Everyone I spoke to decided that it was not the best "protesting" area, especially since our academic commons is heated and there are bathrooms in there... Definitely sending a message to Wall Street there! To be far they did move outside for a night... Not to Worcester where it's dangerous and ghetto, but to our campus green. At least they moved their tents out there because in the time they were out there I never once saw one of them outside the tents, so it's very unclear if they were even out there or not

Just cramming for my midterms... 

I mean occupying Wall Street!

The thing is athletes on campus think they are a lot less awkward than Clarkies but the truth of the matter is everyone at Clark is socially awkward. Period. I have seen a few times where at a bar or party people who used to date or have "hooked up" greet each other with a high five. A. HIGH. FIVE. Or even a head nod or hand shake. I have also witnessed many uncomfortable waves or smiles to people they know only through their friends stories. It's also pretty common to see the disastrous sight of an athlete sitting in class without another athlete, it's like a fish out of water. They don't know what to do or who to talk to. So if you are an athlete reading this, in all honesty you are not free of the socially awkward status and most likely you helped Clark reach the number two position. So congratulations. 


I do love Clarkies and their ability to pair awful outfits together as well as jump into trash cans to save a plastic bottle and honestly my college experience would be much more boring without them but at times I really just have to say vom.com to them. 

For the record: we are the Cougars, not the Clarkies. 

Teen Momma.

Everybody knows the show Teen Mom. Many people watch it. I must say, I do. It's quite entertaining. There's one couple however that just rubs me the wrong way. Why you may ask? Well, because it's basically a threesome. There's the baby's daddy, the mamma, and the new boyfriend but it's unclear if the original two are actually over or not... Talk about Baby Mamma Drama. 


To add to that (don't hate me for saying this) the baby is hands-down the ugliest boy in all the seasons. I'm not saying babies need to be cute but I'm just saying when odd couples mate, it doesn't get pretty. That isn't even the reason they made this blog though... 


When the mom and dad were together they lived in the father's house, which is fine no big deal EXCEPT that they stayed living together when they broke up and then she started dating the new boy. He works at Olympia Sports and is abnormally tall. If you were wondering if Big Foot exists... He does. And he's dating a mother on Teen Mom. These two are the most awkward I've ever watched on television. There was an uncomfortable "sex talk" and an uncomfortable first birthday party documented on the show and other than those two events they just sit around in silence... Overall these two are odd looking and awkward.  


The father and mother of the child are pretty uncomfortable too because it is very unclear whether or not they are still hooking up. In my opinion they are. Which just makes this a whole mess of a relationship. And it's rumored that they hooked up and are back together... I can only hope they don't roll the dice again and reproduce. Although her current boyfriend wouldn't be much of a better idea either...

Half-Runners.

So I was eating breakfast this morning when I saw something very normal for my school. A half-runner. Maybe you don't know what this is but I do, and it just makes me say vom.com. Here's the scenario...


Someone is running late to class, or trying to rush to lunch, or a date, or wherever they are going... So they start running (backpack flailing, hair all over the place, maybe their books are being dropped) so you spot them running and you think "Oh they must be in quite a rush..." Then, mid-thought they just stop running. Less than half way to their destination. Without getting to the door of the building. They stop running. And start walking. Slowly. Why on Earth did they even start running? 


There is no way you ran fast enough to actually make much of a difference time-wise if you stop running not even half way there! It really bothers me. I'm not saying it's against the law or anything but in my mind if you want to look foolish running across campus to class, you might as well fully commit and run the entire way there. 

The Pretty Couple.

This is a very special Mystery Couple Monday because it's the couple who inspired this blog. And today happens to be their anniversary. They are the most vom.com worthy couple in the whole wide world...


First when you see them all you can say is "you're too cute it's disgusting" they are one of THOSE couples. Too attractive for their own good (not to up their egos but they are a handsome couple as my grandmother says). At first when they started dating it was picture after picture all over Facebook of them smiling together, posing in the snow, posing at coffee shops, hugging, kissing, DISGUSTING. It was just too much, I'm sure you've all encountered couples like this. I won't lie I was encouraging it - we ALL were. Writing comments like "this is TOO cute" or "I love you guys" well then next thing I knew the comments changed to "this is too cute for words, makes me sick." so I started writing "vom.com" obviously. They also write things on each others pictures and walls like (and this is a direct quote) "it's not possible or anyone to be any more attractive than this :)" Really? News flash: there are many other people in the world more attractive, just because you are blinded by love doesn't mean you have to blow up my newsfeed with this.

Other than the constant Facebook PDA there were the tweets. Every single day they were apart (over the summer and then the next semester) a tweet came to my phone saying something like "Ugh. Smelt some flowers today #imissher" or "Ate a sandwich #imissher" Can we all say vom.com together? Thanks. Also I'm a creeper and have looked at a few texts from them (if you leave your phone in public I may just read through your texts FYI) and I saw some pretty lame ones, for example "I just made the best pie..." the next one said "Now I'm bored... I miss you" within two seconds. A little too much for my gag reflexes. 


When they first started being boyfriend and girlfriend they went on a disgustingly cute date. I'm talking romantic comedy corny too cute date. That's right, I'm talking about dinner and coffee date with ice skating in the city in the snow. Where he finally asked her to be his girlfriend officially. Vomatrocious. Also there is a folder on his computer that is entitled "Her" which consists of hundreds of pictures of them together or just Facebook pictures that she looks pretty in. Or even pictures of just their faces talking on video chat. I may add that almost every one of those pictures is entitled something like "Beautiful" or "<3" "love" "pretty" "first date" (blah blah blah too much cuteness). 


ALSO they watch certain television shows together and literally they won't watch them without each other. You may think this isn't a huge deal but it makes it so that when I want to watch one of these funny, great tv shows I can't watch it as a family. Or talk about it. And yes they were backed up on watching for like 7 months because of the distance, so it really got to the point where it was ridiculous... Luckily they are back together and caught up so I can talk about current events again. 


They are also one of those couples who  are constantly touching each other either hugging or holding hands or having their arms around each other (not in a gross too much PDA way but in a puppy dog love kind of way). Since they are back together I can only imagine that their friends are constantly holding back the puke as they see them walking around campus or listening to them talk about each other and how much they are obsessed with each other. 

Anyway happy anniversary to you both. 

Hope your day is filled with vom.com moments. 

His Facial Hair.

This post doesn't even need words. 

Just pictures.

The End.

Pau Gasol.

Just look at the nasty, sweaty, hairy, big-nosed, yucky man. I apologize that was a little harsh but EVERY time I watch a Lakers game I gag and cringe. Mostly because Pau Gasol is on the team. I honestly will take it as far as saying he is probably the only man in the NBA I would not date, and probably one of the only men over 6 feet that I would not date. His face is always hairy, but even when he does shave it... It ain't pretty.... 

See... Told ya so. Apart from his beard (which is not even a full beard, just scraggly and uneven) his hair is always sweaty and stringy and in his face. Of course having it in his face makes it a little nicer since then I can't see it as well, it goes paired with the fact that long hair is not cute on boys (refer to my previous post). 


Also, he plays on the Lakers and therefore I can't stand him. Regardless. Sorry but I'm a big Celtics fan and even seeing the purple and gold colors together just rub me the wrong way. He also always has his mouth open when he is playing which shows me he is a mouth breathe-er and probably even chews with his mouth open. It also reveals some really jacked up teeth. Lastly I don't think he is THAT good. Of course most of that comes from the fact that he works for the enemy but still he did not do well in the playoffs last year. Averaging about a 42% shooting average during those games (haha sucks to suck) just doesn't add up for me. 


I will leave you all with a great selection of pictures of, in my opinion, one of the ugliest humans on this Earth... Mr. Pau Gasol. Very vom.com worthy if you ask me. 

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes... 

Saying AYYY OHHHH I am ugly... 

I mean really... Time to go into a cave. 

For life. 

Obsessed with Each Other.

We all know couples like this. Where you literally don't see one without the other and if you do they are literally crying because they miss them so much. It really doesn't matter if they are the cutest couple in the world or ugly and creepy looking - it's annoying. 

Don't get me wrong I adore love, and I think it's great that people have found it out there in the world but I don't need to see you macking hard everywhere you go. Here are a few helpful hints for you to see if you have become a couple like this... 

1. Is your significant other the only one who writes on your Facebook wall or the only one who tweets at you? 

2. Have you been more than five feet away from them within the past three months? 

3. Do you wear matching outfits out to parties? 

4. Can you not go five minutes without speaking about or to them? 

5. Are you seen making out or tickling each other in public daily? 

If any of these questions describe your relationship it is possible you are probably too obsessed with your significant other. Unless you want people to start yelling vom.com at you every day, I would suggest pulling yourself together and hanging out with other people. 

Squirrels.

I could go on and on about how disgusting and scary and EVIL these animals are, but I'll try to keep it short. They are my biggest fear. Literally. And I have been attacked a few times in my life. It all started in seventh grade...


I was on a bike ride with my brother around our neighborhood on a beautiful sunny day. I was looking behind me to see where my brother was and I heard him telling me to move to the side, he was pretty panicked. I quickly swerved to the sidewalk and looked in the middle of the street... And there it was sitting there, a little squirrel. I went back on my bike to see why it wasn't moving. My brother and I were standing over it and it was just looking around but it wouldn't move. I was a little nervous I had hit it or something so I put my foot out near it to cast a shadow and maybe startle it to have it move. BOY WAS I WRONG! The little guy suddenly froze looked up at me, in my eyes, and jumped onto my sneaker! I screamed and started kicking my foot trying to get it off, it wouldn't let go I kept kicking and kicking until finally it flung from the top of my foot and grabbed on to the bottom of it... It was very traumatic so I finally (using the pedal of my bike) got the evil creature off of my foot and peddled home. 

This is literally how I live my life.

This was only the first out of many attacks, but the attacks are not the only thing I hate about them... They are not cute, their beady little eyes can see everything and they can hold on to every bit of tree, wall, blanket, or even shoe as I learned. And they don't just mind their own business, they are constantly watching me (and other people, but mostly me.) and hanging by one foot or jumping from tree branch to tree branch. You can't trust them, they are constantly looking to attack. At least that's what I think. Every time I leave a building or walk around they are there staring at me or waiting until my guard is down to attack me again.

Not natural. Terrifying really. 

Some people find them super cute and some people even think they are funny, but I see their true colors and I know what they really think: "Kill Amira." It has to be true. I also am sent pictures and video of squirrels all the time because people think it's funny to see my reaction but it is NOT. I was even given a calendar of them for my birthday which is disturbing on many different levels. 

When I see things like this tears form in my eyes.

At my school they are everywhere and so naturally I run to class and run to the gym and run to my room (in other words I run everywhere because they always block my path or follow me). One time I was walking with my friends and the girl in front of me threw out her trash and nothing happened so I threw my trash away and A SQUIRREL jumped out of the trash can and almost took off my hand! I may add I am convinced that they have a network and they all know that I am scared so they know to attack (like a lioness attacks the weakest antelope). 

They really are coming for ME. Specifically. 

Anyway squirrels just make me want to cry and definitely make me say vom.dot daily, between dodging them and running around of course. I apologize for making this so long but I had to explain my deepest fear in great detail. 

I get that this is not what they look like to most people, but in my mind they do.