Mayonnaise.

This is probably one of the only posts that could actually have me vomiting. I hate mayo. I hate looking at it, I hate the taste of it, I even hate the word. I gag just thinking of it. I never eat it. I'm not sure where this disgust for it came from but I have a feeling it was when my sister was younger and would ask for "Mayonnaise Sandwiches" yes, you guessed it: nasty, chunky, slimy mayonnaise in between bread. VOM.COM... 

About to lose my lunch over this picture. 

I never eat mayonnaise as I said above... It's not just mental, if it's on a sandwich I can tell. I usually just eat turkey sandwiches, just turkey and bread. Let me tell you people think I'm weird but I've thrown many a sandwich out or given them away because I can detect the mayo. You may be thinking "I've seen this girl eat potato salad and chicken salad" well news flash I scrape as much of the mayonnaise off each little parcel of food before putting it in my mouth - watch me closely next time I'm at a picnic or cookout, I basically just eat the chunks of potatoes and chicken.


The fact that people eat mayo after seeing what it looks like I do not understand. It's chunky and nasty and makes me think of throw up, especially in large quantities. At work this summer I had to transfer mayonnaise from a huge tub into little personal containers and it was literally the worst day of my life. I had to stop halfway through and bribe someone else to finish the job. The truth is whether it's in large quantities or small packets it still looks like puss. No. Thank. You. 

I've had many poor mayo moments in my life, like having to watch a Fear Factor remake at camp where the contestants had to eat a bucket of mayonnaise with their bare hands, plain. Gross. I would have preferred watching them eat live spiders or eaten the live spiders myself than witnessing that. The worst though was when I had a babysitter who loved mayonnaise probably more than life itself and would eat the stuff plain, on hamburgers, on french fries, etc. But the most horrifying moment was when we were at McDonald's and she grabbed a packet of it and spread it on her straw and sucked her coke up through the straw taking the mayo with it! I almost died. I've never been the same since. 

I would honestly prefer to die than have to do this.

If you ever do this, do me a favor and stop being my friend. 

This post is getting to be a little too much for me but I will leave you with this. NEVER come near me with mayonnaise, even in a joking manner because the joke will be on you when I throw up all over you and your sandwich.