Clarkies.

A few weeks ago my school was rated one of the most socially awkward schools in America, to be specific it was rated the second most socially awkward school in America. You may wonder how this is possible or why my school? Well I have your answer: Clarkies.


Clarkies are a rare breed in this world. One of the most entertaining breeds that exist, it's very hard to describe them to people who haven't been to my school but once you've been here you know who and what they are. I'll start to describe them to you first from the outside.


They are very interesting in their sense of style. It is very normal here to see girls walking around wearing tutus paired with rainbow leggings and cat ears. I know, you think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. Believe me I wish I was exaggerating. Clarkies can actually make Lady Gaga look normal... Quite often there are girls who don't wear bras, don't shave their legs or armpits, and don't really shower much either. I'm all for "living free" but it's disturbing when you are running on a treadmill letting it all hang lose. What people wear to the gym in general is an interesting experience. I see someone wearing jeans almost everyday and I've even seen someone running barefoot on the machines. The absolute best though is when they come wearing neon leggings, cut off tee-shirts and a high side ponytail. (not as a joke either, they really think that is proper gym attire) Basically if you were to walk around my campus for 30 minutes you would either see people running around in overalls and tie dye socks or athletes wearing all grey or all red sweat pants and sweat shirt combos... That's about as fashionable people at Clark get.

Let's just say I wouldn't be surprised to find out Lady Gaga went to Clark

Very "Clarkie" kind of outfit... Recycled wrappers for fashion

There's more to Clarkies than meets the eye however. They are all about "challenging convention and changing the world" which apparently means recycling and not wasting things. Okay, don't get upset with me here, I am all for recycling or not wasting electricity and food because some people don't have those things but sometimes I just want to throw my trash away in peace. Not at Clark though. Almost every trash can on campus has at least four options (trash, paper, bottles, compost, etc) which makes it very difficult to just throw your trash away in a hurry. Most times I just toss it into whichever is closer but Clarkies get real mad when you do that. Most of the time they actually spend time digging through the trash and sorting it into the proper containers. (vom.com at its finest right there) My opinion is you should really value your own hygiene and dignity over proper recycling. Another "saving the world" act that Clarkies are all about is flushing the toilet. There are special toilets on campus where you are supposed to flush down for #2 and pull up for #1... Sorry about it, I always flush down because I don't touch the flusher. Absolutely not. And newsflash most of the campus flushes down too. Pretty sure it's too much effort to stop, look, and then flush.

Literally found on every toilet at Clark

Where you can throw your trash out... Or find a Clarkie

The best example of Clarkies trying to change the world had to be the "Occupy Clark" movement, however. Instead of protesting outside or on Wall Street, our Clarkies took over a space in our Academic Commons (AKA our library). Literally pitched a tent, brought sleeping bags, food, an air mattress, and their homework and sat there for about a week. Everyone I spoke to decided that it was not the best "protesting" area, especially since our academic commons is heated and there are bathrooms in there... Definitely sending a message to Wall Street there! To be far they did move outside for a night... Not to Worcester where it's dangerous and ghetto, but to our campus green. At least they moved their tents out there because in the time they were out there I never once saw one of them outside the tents, so it's very unclear if they were even out there or not

Just cramming for my midterms... 

I mean occupying Wall Street!

The thing is athletes on campus think they are a lot less awkward than Clarkies but the truth of the matter is everyone at Clark is socially awkward. Period. I have seen a few times where at a bar or party people who used to date or have "hooked up" greet each other with a high five. A. HIGH. FIVE. Or even a head nod or hand shake. I have also witnessed many uncomfortable waves or smiles to people they know only through their friends stories. It's also pretty common to see the disastrous sight of an athlete sitting in class without another athlete, it's like a fish out of water. They don't know what to do or who to talk to. So if you are an athlete reading this, in all honesty you are not free of the socially awkward status and most likely you helped Clark reach the number two position. So congratulations. 


I do love Clarkies and their ability to pair awful outfits together as well as jump into trash cans to save a plastic bottle and honestly my college experience would be much more boring without them but at times I really just have to say vom.com to them. 

For the record: we are the Cougars, not the Clarkies.