The Pretty Couple.

This is a very special Mystery Couple Monday because it's the couple who inspired this blog. And today happens to be their anniversary. They are the most vom.com worthy couple in the whole wide world...


First when you see them all you can say is "you're too cute it's disgusting" they are one of THOSE couples. Too attractive for their own good (not to up their egos but they are a handsome couple as my grandmother says). At first when they started dating it was picture after picture all over Facebook of them smiling together, posing in the snow, posing at coffee shops, hugging, kissing, DISGUSTING. It was just too much, I'm sure you've all encountered couples like this. I won't lie I was encouraging it - we ALL were. Writing comments like "this is TOO cute" or "I love you guys" well then next thing I knew the comments changed to "this is too cute for words, makes me sick." so I started writing "vom.com" obviously. They also write things on each others pictures and walls like (and this is a direct quote) "it's not possible or anyone to be any more attractive than this :)" Really? News flash: there are many other people in the world more attractive, just because you are blinded by love doesn't mean you have to blow up my newsfeed with this.

Other than the constant Facebook PDA there were the tweets. Every single day they were apart (over the summer and then the next semester) a tweet came to my phone saying something like "Ugh. Smelt some flowers today #imissher" or "Ate a sandwich #imissher" Can we all say vom.com together? Thanks. Also I'm a creeper and have looked at a few texts from them (if you leave your phone in public I may just read through your texts FYI) and I saw some pretty lame ones, for example "I just made the best pie..." the next one said "Now I'm bored... I miss you" within two seconds. A little too much for my gag reflexes. 


When they first started being boyfriend and girlfriend they went on a disgustingly cute date. I'm talking romantic comedy corny too cute date. That's right, I'm talking about dinner and coffee date with ice skating in the city in the snow. Where he finally asked her to be his girlfriend officially. Vomatrocious. Also there is a folder on his computer that is entitled "Her" which consists of hundreds of pictures of them together or just Facebook pictures that she looks pretty in. Or even pictures of just their faces talking on video chat. I may add that almost every one of those pictures is entitled something like "Beautiful" or "<3" "love" "pretty" "first date" (blah blah blah too much cuteness). 


ALSO they watch certain television shows together and literally they won't watch them without each other. You may think this isn't a huge deal but it makes it so that when I want to watch one of these funny, great tv shows I can't watch it as a family. Or talk about it. And yes they were backed up on watching for like 7 months because of the distance, so it really got to the point where it was ridiculous... Luckily they are back together and caught up so I can talk about current events again. 


They are also one of those couples who  are constantly touching each other either hugging or holding hands or having their arms around each other (not in a gross too much PDA way but in a puppy dog love kind of way). Since they are back together I can only imagine that their friends are constantly holding back the puke as they see them walking around campus or listening to them talk about each other and how much they are obsessed with each other. 

Anyway happy anniversary to you both. 

Hope your day is filled with vom.com moments. 

His Facial Hair.

This post doesn't even need words. 

Just pictures.

The End.

Pau Gasol.

Just look at the nasty, sweaty, hairy, big-nosed, yucky man. I apologize that was a little harsh but EVERY time I watch a Lakers game I gag and cringe. Mostly because Pau Gasol is on the team. I honestly will take it as far as saying he is probably the only man in the NBA I would not date, and probably one of the only men over 6 feet that I would not date. His face is always hairy, but even when he does shave it... It ain't pretty.... 

See... Told ya so. Apart from his beard (which is not even a full beard, just scraggly and uneven) his hair is always sweaty and stringy and in his face. Of course having it in his face makes it a little nicer since then I can't see it as well, it goes paired with the fact that long hair is not cute on boys (refer to my previous post). 


Also, he plays on the Lakers and therefore I can't stand him. Regardless. Sorry but I'm a big Celtics fan and even seeing the purple and gold colors together just rub me the wrong way. He also always has his mouth open when he is playing which shows me he is a mouth breathe-er and probably even chews with his mouth open. It also reveals some really jacked up teeth. Lastly I don't think he is THAT good. Of course most of that comes from the fact that he works for the enemy but still he did not do well in the playoffs last year. Averaging about a 42% shooting average during those games (haha sucks to suck) just doesn't add up for me. 


I will leave you all with a great selection of pictures of, in my opinion, one of the ugliest humans on this Earth... Mr. Pau Gasol. Very vom.com worthy if you ask me. 

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes... 

Saying AYYY OHHHH I am ugly... 

I mean really... Time to go into a cave. 

For life. 

Obsessed with Each Other.

We all know couples like this. Where you literally don't see one without the other and if you do they are literally crying because they miss them so much. It really doesn't matter if they are the cutest couple in the world or ugly and creepy looking - it's annoying. 

Don't get me wrong I adore love, and I think it's great that people have found it out there in the world but I don't need to see you macking hard everywhere you go. Here are a few helpful hints for you to see if you have become a couple like this... 

1. Is your significant other the only one who writes on your Facebook wall or the only one who tweets at you? 

2. Have you been more than five feet away from them within the past three months? 

3. Do you wear matching outfits out to parties? 

4. Can you not go five minutes without speaking about or to them? 

5. Are you seen making out or tickling each other in public daily? 

If any of these questions describe your relationship it is possible you are probably too obsessed with your significant other. Unless you want people to start yelling vom.com at you every day, I would suggest pulling yourself together and hanging out with other people. 

Squirrels.

I could go on and on about how disgusting and scary and EVIL these animals are, but I'll try to keep it short. They are my biggest fear. Literally. And I have been attacked a few times in my life. It all started in seventh grade...


I was on a bike ride with my brother around our neighborhood on a beautiful sunny day. I was looking behind me to see where my brother was and I heard him telling me to move to the side, he was pretty panicked. I quickly swerved to the sidewalk and looked in the middle of the street... And there it was sitting there, a little squirrel. I went back on my bike to see why it wasn't moving. My brother and I were standing over it and it was just looking around but it wouldn't move. I was a little nervous I had hit it or something so I put my foot out near it to cast a shadow and maybe startle it to have it move. BOY WAS I WRONG! The little guy suddenly froze looked up at me, in my eyes, and jumped onto my sneaker! I screamed and started kicking my foot trying to get it off, it wouldn't let go I kept kicking and kicking until finally it flung from the top of my foot and grabbed on to the bottom of it... It was very traumatic so I finally (using the pedal of my bike) got the evil creature off of my foot and peddled home. 

This is literally how I live my life.

This was only the first out of many attacks, but the attacks are not the only thing I hate about them... They are not cute, their beady little eyes can see everything and they can hold on to every bit of tree, wall, blanket, or even shoe as I learned. And they don't just mind their own business, they are constantly watching me (and other people, but mostly me.) and hanging by one foot or jumping from tree branch to tree branch. You can't trust them, they are constantly looking to attack. At least that's what I think. Every time I leave a building or walk around they are there staring at me or waiting until my guard is down to attack me again.

Not natural. Terrifying really. 

Some people find them super cute and some people even think they are funny, but I see their true colors and I know what they really think: "Kill Amira." It has to be true. I also am sent pictures and video of squirrels all the time because people think it's funny to see my reaction but it is NOT. I was even given a calendar of them for my birthday which is disturbing on many different levels. 

When I see things like this tears form in my eyes.

At my school they are everywhere and so naturally I run to class and run to the gym and run to my room (in other words I run everywhere because they always block my path or follow me). One time I was walking with my friends and the girl in front of me threw out her trash and nothing happened so I threw my trash away and A SQUIRREL jumped out of the trash can and almost took off my hand! I may add I am convinced that they have a network and they all know that I am scared so they know to attack (like a lioness attacks the weakest antelope). 

They really are coming for ME. Specifically. 

Anyway squirrels just make me want to cry and definitely make me say vom.dot daily, between dodging them and running around of course. I apologize for making this so long but I had to explain my deepest fear in great detail. 

I get that this is not what they look like to most people, but in my mind they do. 

Snow.

Don't get me wrong I am totally pro snow... ONLY between December 15-January 2nd. After that it is horrible. Miserable. And cold. 


Obviously if I am laying in bed drinking hot chocolate or ice skating on a pond or sledding; not going to school I am a happy camper (again WHEN IT IS THE HOLIDAY SEASON). But if I am going to school, wiping my car off in the freezing weather, or slipping around on ice I am not a fan. 


Being a tall girl who can't really walk on normal pavement or up and down stairs without falling, adding an icy, snowy layer in between me and the cement is NOT fun. I have to walk much slower when there is snow on the ground and therefore I am frequently late to wherever I am headed. And when I get there I am usually miserable because I am wet having recently fallen in a snow bank. Think I am exaggerating? I'm not. 

Story of my life... Literally. 

Anyway, snow is pretty and festive when I know it will be the holiday season and there are many presents waiting for me around the corner. But at any other time of the year?? GET ME TO HAWAII.

Knees.

I literally did not even want to put pictures on this post, mostly because I am petrified of what I will find googling knee images. I can't handle how gross they are. Both inside and out. I am also petrified of tearing/dislocating mine but even without the injury aspect I hate knees. 

Look at this. It literally makes me want to cry.

Starting with the inside, just look at it... One little sack of fluid and a few ligaments are the only things standing between you jumping around loving life or not being able to walk. A sack of fluid (gross on it's own) is what separates your leg bones from grinding together. That is just NOT okay with me. I don't trust them. 

The nurse in my high school saw my knees once and said 

"Those are the ugliest knees I have ever seen"

Mine usually look like these ones

Also maybe it's just mine, but they are always bruised and swollen. I get that my friends and I all play volleyball so those are the only ones I see... But even if they haven't been scraped on the floor recently, they are not cute. I just don't like looking at them. Or hearing about them. Or hearing about injuries involving them. Or SEEING injuries happen to them. Ever.


So if I'm ever irritating you or you want me to shut my eyes, plug my ears, and stop talking just roll your pant leg up, touch your knee, and start talking about how they work. 

Not Cute.

This is the newest addition to my blog: Mystery Couple Mondays. 

Every Monday I will describe to you a couple that just makes me say vom.com... 

Couple one: They are just one of those really awkward looking pairs. They kinda just make me uncomfortable. Just strictly looking at them makes me cringe a little. He's not even much taller than her from what I've seen which is just not okay to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for them that they found each other... But if they ever reproduce, it won't be pretty. 

I sound so shallow only talking about their looks, but that's not all that makes them couple one on my blog. They are very awkward together. They are from very different social circles which does not really help them out at all. They interact very rarely and when they do it consists of things like a viral video of them rapping together circling the web. Not cute. Or good, I might add. 

Overall I am proud that they have lasted as long as they have, I guess they are just one of those couples that are just so strange it actually works... Like Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey... 

The Winky Face.

So you know I'm using it in access here so you understand what I mean. ;) 

So I don't mind the occasional wink face from a close friend or something but it gives me the hee bee jee bees or however you say that when it's used a lot... or ever really. ;) I mean it holds so much meaning that it just rubs me the wrong way. ;) Are you flirting? ;) Are you just kidding around? ;) Are you thinking you're funny? ;) Do you have something in your eye? ;) People don't often wink in public, and when they do it's considered creepy, so why wink in texting or comments? ;) 

It just adds so much more to what you are saying and I don't really like it. ;) I can't even say I would enjoy a winky face from someone like James Lafferty or Darren Criss. ;) (see that sentence is ten times creepier with the use of the winky face ;) ) It really just makes me say vom.com and that's why it's on the blog today because it's been rubbing me the wrong way lately. ;) 

Anyway, it's fine if you want to use them, I won't judge you, just think before you wink. ;) Also if you liked the winky face before this post I can guess you aren't too keen on it now. ;) 

Boys with long hair.

Okay. This one is obvious. It isn't cute. And it never looks clean, I don't know why, but it doesn't. Never have I seen a boy with long hair and said anything but vom dot com. 


Don't get me wrong, I don't mind a little bit of a shaggy hair... But if it passes the ears it has GOT to go. It always looks stringy and greasy. Even if they've just showered! Yuck. I don't understand because girls with long hair look clean. But boys don't. I have seen many a cute boy look NAST with long hair. 


And don't even get me started on putting it into ponytails, or worse, buns. No thank you. If someone like Tom Brady or David Beckham can't pull it off, what makes you think you can? 


To sum up, if I see you from behind and can't tell if you are a boy or girl because of the length of your hair... I may just clip it off myself. 

Two girls kissing? Or a boy and girl? I should be able to tell.

Boy or Girl? The world may never know.

Chapstick.

More specifically, eating Chapstick. 


Ever since the second grade I have gagged when I see Chapstick all because of Meghan. A girl in my second grade class who ATE her Chapstick everyday. Can we say vom.com? 


I remember it so vividly, I came into school one day and there she was sitting in the hallway LICKING her chapstick. I asked her why she was doing it and she said "because it tastes so good" Are we kidding? 


Just wait. It gets worse. She actually took a bite out of it. It was the pink kind too... Cherry to be exact. I have not been able to use pink Chapstick since. I stick with the kind that isn't a stick. Or the non-flavored kinds because when I smell or see the flavored kind I just think of Meghan sitting in the hallway licking it like a popsicle.