Blocking People.

This vom.com post is all about when people block you - no I don't mean on the basketball court or the volleyball court... I mean on Facebook. For those of you who are from the Stone Age (or the seventies) and don't have Facebook or know what this means, let me explain. Blocking someone means that they literally do not exist anymore. You can't see pictures, you can't see wall posts, you can't even search for them on Facebook - they literally disappear. POOF!

Poor Nina...

Don't get me wrong I've done this before but only once... It was a stage-five clinger all up on my Facebook daily, liking everything I did and commenting way too much to be normal. I didn't even really know him and every time I unfriended him he re-friended me within a day. HOWEVER, the kind of blocking I am talking about is not the "someone is stalking me and will probably murder me in my sleep" kind of blocking... 

This is the "we used to date months ago" or the "you are my ex's BFF" blocking. Look- I'm all about blocking people if it is directly after you break up and you don't want to see their face every day or you don't want to see "I am so much happier now" statuses which we all know are not real... But do NOT block someone (specifically ME!) six months after we break up and I'm living at home not even talking to you. That is just ABSURD. Yes, this has happened to me. I'm fine with being ignored by someone in person (even though I think 9 months in a relationship is cause for at least a head nod) but really? On Facebook? Clearly I'm just a very difficult person to get over. (LOLZ) 

Another thing about this blocking business is when they block you on Facebook but still talk to you in person!!!!!!!!! This happened to me with my BFF's ex. He blocked me on FB (that's how the cool kids shorten it) because he couldn't see the pictures of her I posted.. BUT HE ALWAYS SAYS HI TO ME AND TRIES TO TALK TO ME IN PERSON!! (Ummmmmm NO.) If you don't want to see my comical posts on Facebook or my beautiful photos, I am not going to say "Hey Howdy Doo!" in person and act like we are friends. And I'm definitely NOT going to respond to your texts asking me how I am. It just makes no sense. (Not to mention with this kid I was his #1 fan and never said a bad thing about him...UNTIL NOW) 

Let's face it... You kill them. That's how it happens in real life... 

The real issue I have with it is that you can just un-friend someone and have basically the same affect. Or even just unsubscribe to them. Let's face it, Facebook only shows you about five of your friends' activity anyway. No need to erase someone from your life that drastically-unless they are about to come murder you/are stalking you too much. It's also all about the timing- right after a break up? Sure, block away... Six months? Little too long. But my favorite is the frequent un-blocker/blocker I currently have on my hands........ Recently I was re-blocked - That's right LITERALLY two years post break up. Which is whatever but it's also a bit pathetic. Again, clearly even seeing my face is too much for some people and I'm just too difficult to get over without blocking me. (Clearly I am also JKing) 

Even Facebook thinks blocking is extreme and when you do you have to say a reason... Which I personally have never fulfilled... There's no "I miss her too much to see her face everyday without crying" button... 

Anyway, it just makes me say VOM.COM when I see people blocking people. Just don't ever block me unless I am CREEPING you out or you have the sense I will be stalking you... 

Anne Hathaway.

I may offend a few people with this one but I just cannot deal with good ol' Annie. Or I guess I should say "Annoying Ol' Annie" because I really just do not like her. 

First of all, she peaked in Princess Diaries and in my opinion the majority of the reason she did so well in that film was because she started as such an ugly duckling and turns into a beautiful princess who can finally date the boy from Brink! I mean truly who wouldn't enjoy that movie? Since then, however, she has literally played the same character in every single movie she's been in. I'm not saying I don't like the movies she is in, I actually really enjoy most of them but I just think she needs some dimension in her life. She is casted in Les Miserables which is coming out and I'm really nervous. It looks like she does an okay job but she has THE song in it and she is no where close to a powerful singer from what I've researched. (Side note: I had to post this before I see it because I'm banned my mom from saying anything negative about her in it) 

I truly wish she had been left tied up

Second of all, did anyone watch her host the Oscars? Barf-a-mania. She is literally the most self obsessed person I have encountered (not that we're pals but you understand what I'm saying). She spent the whole night FAILING at jokes and trying to get people to just applaud her for being the greatest creature in the world. News flash: You made the Oscars the most uncomfortable few hours of my life. Of course James Franco did not help at all (their chemistry was rough) but at least I'm pretty sure he was on drugs and therefore had an excuse for the failure. 
Here is a small clip from it... 

FAILURE AT IT'S BEST!

Lastly, I just don't think she is that pretty. I mean I guess she's okay but I think the majority of the reason I have thought that in the past is because we were all introduced to her in the beginning of Princess Diaries where, let's face it, she was homely. Also her voice kinda rubs me the wrong way, it almost has a lisp and almost has a British-like accent but it doesn't. 

LOLZ found this online, seemed appropriate.

Alright, this was one of my more disorganized rants but really Anne Hathaway and I would never be pals and I wouldn't wish a marathon of her movies on my worst enemy. 

Oh Annie......

Lol.

I just can't stand when people say this, text this, Facebook this, IM this... Basically just don't use it. It means "laugh out loud" to those of you from the ancient times where people actually wrote out what they wanted to say. Nowadays people just write "lol" instead of "hahaha" or instead of saying "wow, that was funny, I'm laughing." 

The main problem with this "word" is that nine times out of ten the person saying "lol" isn't laughing out loud. I've learned that if they actually think what you said is funny they write "hahaha" or "haha" or "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG IM DYING" (I get that response a lot of course). When they say "lol" they are just saying, "That was almost funny enough for me to laugh at but I'm too lazy to type more than three letters to express that. Of course sometimes they really are laughing out loud but not often. 

The absolute worst part of using "lol" is when people say it out loud. As in not on electronics. Don't say "lol" while you are speaking. It makes NO SENSE. At least while typing it makes some sense because it takes more effort to type out laugh out loud instead of lol but in real life "ell oh ell" and "laugh out loud" are the same amount of syllables (three). So you aren't saving energy. You know what else takes less energy? Actually laughing out loud if something is funny. I know that seems extreme and too genuine to people, but it's just a thought I have when I hear "lol" in the real world.

But really...

The only time it is okay to say "lol" is when you use it with a z at the end. As in "LOLZ" because you are clearly making fun of people who use lol for real. That and "loling" are the only forms that are okay to use in my opinion, because clearly you are being ironic and hilarious in your use of laughing out loud. My least favorite use of the lol option is one hundred percent "lololol." What does that even mean people? "Laughing out loud out loud out loud?" Certainly that makes sense... Oh wait... It doesn't. 

My absolute favorite way to say laugh out loud however is "ROR" which means "raff out roud" (like "laugh out loud" but as an Asian man would say while laughing at how funny you are)... Sorry if you think that's racist. It's not, I love the azns more than anyone (that's how the insiders say Asians). "ROR" is just funny. 

ROR Po' Fried Rice ROR

I know it seems cool to say "lol" at the end of every sentence you text to someone in order to not seem too serious but saying "how are you lol" or "man that sandwich was delicious lol" is not necessary. My favorite use of it was when you say something very serious like "I love you" and at the end add lol ...... Does that mean you are laughing at how funny it is to love someone? Or does it mean "Don't take this too seriously because I secretly don't mean it" I hope you see how unnecessary this word is in the world and how overused it is. 

Overall, don't use lol unless you are busting a gut and laughing out loud so much that all you can manage is typing three small letters, because otherwise I'll be over here vom.coming everywhere. 

Even Miley doesn't think it's a laughing matter

Not Clearing the Microwave.

This always comes up when I'm home. No one ever clears the microwave buttons (so that it reads the time) after using it. This really has me thinking vom.com for a few reasons... 

First of all, just set the microwave to the time you need it to be set to and this will never be a problem. Don't set it for four minutes and stop it at one minute... Just set it for three. The only time I can really approve of stopping the microwave early is when making popcorn, because let's face it those bags NEVER pop at the desired speed. 

Second of all, if you do have to stop the microwave prematurely simply press "Cancel" twice. It's so easy, you're already exposing yourself to all the radiation you could ever need, might as well press the button twice. (Just a friendly public service announcement... It beeps three times at the end because it's getting rid of the radiation... Premature opening of the microwave is dangerous)

How much of a difference does 45 seconds even make?!

The worst part of all of this is, I'll come out of my room after a nap to grab a snack and look to the microwave for the time (because it's at my eye level... AKA above the stove) and see "3:20" and think "OMG I OVERSLEPT AND MISSED MY SHOWS" or "Oh... I only slept for twenty minutes?" Then I realize... "OH NO someone decided to abort heating up their lunch and left me to ponder how long I slept." It's also confusing sometimes: Is the microwave set to one minute? Or is it one o'clock? 

GURL WUT TIME IZ IT?

I know you may be thinking "Gurllll re-to-the-lax, it's just a microwave" but yah know... It's more than that. It's a clock too and when I look at it I don't like seeing "Press Start" flashing across the little screen. So when you heat something up, whether it's popcorn, mac and cheese, or a burrito (I don't know just things I'm craving)... Just press the cancel button twice. Or wait it out and have a delicious HOT meal instead of a luke warm one. 

Ding! Perfect Timing.

Burnt Coffee.

Alright. It's been awhile and I apologize... But I'm back... With a vengeance. One thing that makes me wanna scream VOM.COM?? 

Burnt Coffee. 

Okay, I expect this from places like Jazzman's or the Bistro at school - the coffee isn't good and it never will be. But when I go to Dunkin's or Starbucks, especially Dunks, and I sip on what I assume will be a delicious iced coffee and it's BURNT... I literally wanna throw it out the window (because let's face it, I'm always in the car drinking coffee... I live for drive thrus). 

Where all burnt coffee deserves to be. 

The worst part about burnt coffee from Dunks is that there's literally nothing you can do about it. You can't go back and beg for a non-burnt cup because if one cups burnt the rest is too... And you can't have them re-brew the whole pot because there will absolutely be a lugey floating in your cup if you do. I mean honestly it ruins your whole day. How can you enjoy a cup of coffee if it tastes like your licking pavement, or an ash tray. 

The worst part is of course that it's always in the morning or mid-afternoon when I really need a pick me up when this happens. I personally have been a barista and it's honestly hard to burn coffee, I don't know how people do it but somehow they manage quite frequently and it really is awful. It ruins your day, your mouth, and your breath for sure. 

Me too man, me too... 

This girl is clearly depressed over her cup o' Joe. 

So next time you take a nice big sip of coffee and it's burnt, think of me and chuck up the deuces and throw that NAST cup out the window yelling VOM.COM. 

Smelly smells coffee. 

Mayonnaise.

This is probably one of the only posts that could actually have me vomiting. I hate mayo. I hate looking at it, I hate the taste of it, I even hate the word. I gag just thinking of it. I never eat it. I'm not sure where this disgust for it came from but I have a feeling it was when my sister was younger and would ask for "Mayonnaise Sandwiches" yes, you guessed it: nasty, chunky, slimy mayonnaise in between bread. VOM.COM... 

About to lose my lunch over this picture. 

I never eat mayonnaise as I said above... It's not just mental, if it's on a sandwich I can tell. I usually just eat turkey sandwiches, just turkey and bread. Let me tell you people think I'm weird but I've thrown many a sandwich out or given them away because I can detect the mayo. You may be thinking "I've seen this girl eat potato salad and chicken salad" well news flash I scrape as much of the mayonnaise off each little parcel of food before putting it in my mouth - watch me closely next time I'm at a picnic or cookout, I basically just eat the chunks of potatoes and chicken.


The fact that people eat mayo after seeing what it looks like I do not understand. It's chunky and nasty and makes me think of throw up, especially in large quantities. At work this summer I had to transfer mayonnaise from a huge tub into little personal containers and it was literally the worst day of my life. I had to stop halfway through and bribe someone else to finish the job. The truth is whether it's in large quantities or small packets it still looks like puss. No. Thank. You. 

I've had many poor mayo moments in my life, like having to watch a Fear Factor remake at camp where the contestants had to eat a bucket of mayonnaise with their bare hands, plain. Gross. I would have preferred watching them eat live spiders or eaten the live spiders myself than witnessing that. The worst though was when I had a babysitter who loved mayonnaise probably more than life itself and would eat the stuff plain, on hamburgers, on french fries, etc. But the most horrifying moment was when we were at McDonald's and she grabbed a packet of it and spread it on her straw and sucked her coke up through the straw taking the mayo with it! I almost died. I've never been the same since. 

I would honestly prefer to die than have to do this.

If you ever do this, do me a favor and stop being my friend. 

This post is getting to be a little too much for me but I will leave you with this. NEVER come near me with mayonnaise, even in a joking manner because the joke will be on you when I throw up all over you and your sandwich. 

Brad and Angelina.

So I'm pretty sure I'm one of the only ones who feels this way, so please don't have a heart attack or disown me but I CAN'T stand this couple. They give me a bad taste in my mouth and make it so that if they are pictured in a magazine or on television I turn the channel or throw the magazine across the room. 


Why you might ask? Well, I'm going to bring you back to 1998 and a beautiful happy couple that everyone (including myself) fell in love with... Brad and Jennifer. Remember them? Because I do. They say you don't forget your first love and this was one the first celebrity couples I really loved (besides Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears of course). And maybe that's why I'm so bitter but still... I remember that poor Jenn wanted children but Brad "wasn't ready". I remember how cute they looked all the time. I remember his guest starring role on Friends. I remember a lot. But the main thing I remember was a film called Mr. and Mrs. Smith when it all came crashing down. 

That's right people Brad and Angelina started out as a home wrecking, cheating couple, and cheaters are scum. Okay... I apologize that was a little rough but it's annoying no one seems to remember how they started seeing each other while he still was wearing his wedding ring... And it also annoys me that he "wasn't ready for kids" but the second he was with Angelina he decided to adopt Africa. 


Don't get me wrong I love Brad Pitt and I don't mind Angelina Jolie (sometimes) but together I just can't do it. And just to clear the air... I'm also not hoping for Brad and Jenn to get back together because she's way better off single than with a cheater (anyone is for that matter). 


I mean come on people... I'm not saying they aren't a great couple who do a lot for the world with all their money but they are also a couple who started with infedility. Vom.com at it's best. That's why they were chosen for the celebrity addition of Mystery Couple Monday... I just can't stop the taste of bile creeping up into my mouth when I see them herding around their small army because I can only think about Jenn.