Mayonnaise.

This is probably one of the only posts that could actually have me vomiting. I hate mayo. I hate looking at it, I hate the taste of it, I even hate the word. I gag just thinking of it. I never eat it. I'm not sure where this disgust for it came from but I have a feeling it was when my sister was younger and would ask for "Mayonnaise Sandwiches" yes, you guessed it: nasty, chunky, slimy mayonnaise in between bread. VOM.COM... 

About to lose my lunch over this picture. 

I never eat mayonnaise as I said above... It's not just mental, if it's on a sandwich I can tell. I usually just eat turkey sandwiches, just turkey and bread. Let me tell you people think I'm weird but I've thrown many a sandwich out or given them away because I can detect the mayo. You may be thinking "I've seen this girl eat potato salad and chicken salad" well news flash I scrape as much of the mayonnaise off each little parcel of food before putting it in my mouth - watch me closely next time I'm at a picnic or cookout, I basically just eat the chunks of potatoes and chicken.


The fact that people eat mayo after seeing what it looks like I do not understand. It's chunky and nasty and makes me think of throw up, especially in large quantities. At work this summer I had to transfer mayonnaise from a huge tub into little personal containers and it was literally the worst day of my life. I had to stop halfway through and bribe someone else to finish the job. The truth is whether it's in large quantities or small packets it still looks like puss. No. Thank. You. 

I've had many poor mayo moments in my life, like having to watch a Fear Factor remake at camp where the contestants had to eat a bucket of mayonnaise with their bare hands, plain. Gross. I would have preferred watching them eat live spiders or eaten the live spiders myself than witnessing that. The worst though was when I had a babysitter who loved mayonnaise probably more than life itself and would eat the stuff plain, on hamburgers, on french fries, etc. But the most horrifying moment was when we were at McDonald's and she grabbed a packet of it and spread it on her straw and sucked her coke up through the straw taking the mayo with it! I almost died. I've never been the same since. 

I would honestly prefer to die than have to do this.

If you ever do this, do me a favor and stop being my friend. 

This post is getting to be a little too much for me but I will leave you with this. NEVER come near me with mayonnaise, even in a joking manner because the joke will be on you when I throw up all over you and your sandwich. 

Brad and Angelina.

So I'm pretty sure I'm one of the only ones who feels this way, so please don't have a heart attack or disown me but I CAN'T stand this couple. They give me a bad taste in my mouth and make it so that if they are pictured in a magazine or on television I turn the channel or throw the magazine across the room. 


Why you might ask? Well, I'm going to bring you back to 1998 and a beautiful happy couple that everyone (including myself) fell in love with... Brad and Jennifer. Remember them? Because I do. They say you don't forget your first love and this was one the first celebrity couples I really loved (besides Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears of course). And maybe that's why I'm so bitter but still... I remember that poor Jenn wanted children but Brad "wasn't ready". I remember how cute they looked all the time. I remember his guest starring role on Friends. I remember a lot. But the main thing I remember was a film called Mr. and Mrs. Smith when it all came crashing down. 

That's right people Brad and Angelina started out as a home wrecking, cheating couple, and cheaters are scum. Okay... I apologize that was a little rough but it's annoying no one seems to remember how they started seeing each other while he still was wearing his wedding ring... And it also annoys me that he "wasn't ready for kids" but the second he was with Angelina he decided to adopt Africa. 


Don't get me wrong I love Brad Pitt and I don't mind Angelina Jolie (sometimes) but together I just can't do it. And just to clear the air... I'm also not hoping for Brad and Jenn to get back together because she's way better off single than with a cheater (anyone is for that matter). 


I mean come on people... I'm not saying they aren't a great couple who do a lot for the world with all their money but they are also a couple who started with infedility. Vom.com at it's best. That's why they were chosen for the celebrity addition of Mystery Couple Monday... I just can't stop the taste of bile creeping up into my mouth when I see them herding around their small army because I can only think about Jenn. 

Clarkies.

A few weeks ago my school was rated one of the most socially awkward schools in America, to be specific it was rated the second most socially awkward school in America. You may wonder how this is possible or why my school? Well I have your answer: Clarkies.


Clarkies are a rare breed in this world. One of the most entertaining breeds that exist, it's very hard to describe them to people who haven't been to my school but once you've been here you know who and what they are. I'll start to describe them to you first from the outside.


They are very interesting in their sense of style. It is very normal here to see girls walking around wearing tutus paired with rainbow leggings and cat ears. I know, you think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. Believe me I wish I was exaggerating. Clarkies can actually make Lady Gaga look normal... Quite often there are girls who don't wear bras, don't shave their legs or armpits, and don't really shower much either. I'm all for "living free" but it's disturbing when you are running on a treadmill letting it all hang lose. What people wear to the gym in general is an interesting experience. I see someone wearing jeans almost everyday and I've even seen someone running barefoot on the machines. The absolute best though is when they come wearing neon leggings, cut off tee-shirts and a high side ponytail. (not as a joke either, they really think that is proper gym attire) Basically if you were to walk around my campus for 30 minutes you would either see people running around in overalls and tie dye socks or athletes wearing all grey or all red sweat pants and sweat shirt combos... That's about as fashionable people at Clark get.

Let's just say I wouldn't be surprised to find out Lady Gaga went to Clark

Very "Clarkie" kind of outfit... Recycled wrappers for fashion

There's more to Clarkies than meets the eye however. They are all about "challenging convention and changing the world" which apparently means recycling and not wasting things. Okay, don't get upset with me here, I am all for recycling or not wasting electricity and food because some people don't have those things but sometimes I just want to throw my trash away in peace. Not at Clark though. Almost every trash can on campus has at least four options (trash, paper, bottles, compost, etc) which makes it very difficult to just throw your trash away in a hurry. Most times I just toss it into whichever is closer but Clarkies get real mad when you do that. Most of the time they actually spend time digging through the trash and sorting it into the proper containers. (vom.com at its finest right there) My opinion is you should really value your own hygiene and dignity over proper recycling. Another "saving the world" act that Clarkies are all about is flushing the toilet. There are special toilets on campus where you are supposed to flush down for #2 and pull up for #1... Sorry about it, I always flush down because I don't touch the flusher. Absolutely not. And newsflash most of the campus flushes down too. Pretty sure it's too much effort to stop, look, and then flush.

Literally found on every toilet at Clark

Where you can throw your trash out... Or find a Clarkie

The best example of Clarkies trying to change the world had to be the "Occupy Clark" movement, however. Instead of protesting outside or on Wall Street, our Clarkies took over a space in our Academic Commons (AKA our library). Literally pitched a tent, brought sleeping bags, food, an air mattress, and their homework and sat there for about a week. Everyone I spoke to decided that it was not the best "protesting" area, especially since our academic commons is heated and there are bathrooms in there... Definitely sending a message to Wall Street there! To be far they did move outside for a night... Not to Worcester where it's dangerous and ghetto, but to our campus green. At least they moved their tents out there because in the time they were out there I never once saw one of them outside the tents, so it's very unclear if they were even out there or not

Just cramming for my midterms... 

I mean occupying Wall Street!

The thing is athletes on campus think they are a lot less awkward than Clarkies but the truth of the matter is everyone at Clark is socially awkward. Period. I have seen a few times where at a bar or party people who used to date or have "hooked up" greet each other with a high five. A. HIGH. FIVE. Or even a head nod or hand shake. I have also witnessed many uncomfortable waves or smiles to people they know only through their friends stories. It's also pretty common to see the disastrous sight of an athlete sitting in class without another athlete, it's like a fish out of water. They don't know what to do or who to talk to. So if you are an athlete reading this, in all honesty you are not free of the socially awkward status and most likely you helped Clark reach the number two position. So congratulations. 


I do love Clarkies and their ability to pair awful outfits together as well as jump into trash cans to save a plastic bottle and honestly my college experience would be much more boring without them but at times I really just have to say vom.com to them. 

For the record: we are the Cougars, not the Clarkies.