Clarkies.

A few weeks ago my school was rated one of the most socially awkward schools in America, to be specific it was rated the second most socially awkward school in America. You may wonder how this is possible or why my school? Well I have your answer: Clarkies.


Clarkies are a rare breed in this world. One of the most entertaining breeds that exist, it's very hard to describe them to people who haven't been to my school but once you've been here you know who and what they are. I'll start to describe them to you first from the outside.


They are very interesting in their sense of style. It is very normal here to see girls walking around wearing tutus paired with rainbow leggings and cat ears. I know, you think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. Believe me I wish I was exaggerating. Clarkies can actually make Lady Gaga look normal... Quite often there are girls who don't wear bras, don't shave their legs or armpits, and don't really shower much either. I'm all for "living free" but it's disturbing when you are running on a treadmill letting it all hang lose. What people wear to the gym in general is an interesting experience. I see someone wearing jeans almost everyday and I've even seen someone running barefoot on the machines. The absolute best though is when they come wearing neon leggings, cut off tee-shirts and a high side ponytail. (not as a joke either, they really think that is proper gym attire) Basically if you were to walk around my campus for 30 minutes you would either see people running around in overalls and tie dye socks or athletes wearing all grey or all red sweat pants and sweat shirt combos... That's about as fashionable people at Clark get.

Let's just say I wouldn't be surprised to find out Lady Gaga went to Clark

Very "Clarkie" kind of outfit... Recycled wrappers for fashion

There's more to Clarkies than meets the eye however. They are all about "challenging convention and changing the world" which apparently means recycling and not wasting things. Okay, don't get upset with me here, I am all for recycling or not wasting electricity and food because some people don't have those things but sometimes I just want to throw my trash away in peace. Not at Clark though. Almost every trash can on campus has at least four options (trash, paper, bottles, compost, etc) which makes it very difficult to just throw your trash away in a hurry. Most times I just toss it into whichever is closer but Clarkies get real mad when you do that. Most of the time they actually spend time digging through the trash and sorting it into the proper containers. (vom.com at its finest right there) My opinion is you should really value your own hygiene and dignity over proper recycling. Another "saving the world" act that Clarkies are all about is flushing the toilet. There are special toilets on campus where you are supposed to flush down for #2 and pull up for #1... Sorry about it, I always flush down because I don't touch the flusher. Absolutely not. And newsflash most of the campus flushes down too. Pretty sure it's too much effort to stop, look, and then flush.

Literally found on every toilet at Clark

Where you can throw your trash out... Or find a Clarkie

The best example of Clarkies trying to change the world had to be the "Occupy Clark" movement, however. Instead of protesting outside or on Wall Street, our Clarkies took over a space in our Academic Commons (AKA our library). Literally pitched a tent, brought sleeping bags, food, an air mattress, and their homework and sat there for about a week. Everyone I spoke to decided that it was not the best "protesting" area, especially since our academic commons is heated and there are bathrooms in there... Definitely sending a message to Wall Street there! To be far they did move outside for a night... Not to Worcester where it's dangerous and ghetto, but to our campus green. At least they moved their tents out there because in the time they were out there I never once saw one of them outside the tents, so it's very unclear if they were even out there or not

Just cramming for my midterms... 

I mean occupying Wall Street!

The thing is athletes on campus think they are a lot less awkward than Clarkies but the truth of the matter is everyone at Clark is socially awkward. Period. I have seen a few times where at a bar or party people who used to date or have "hooked up" greet each other with a high five. A. HIGH. FIVE. Or even a head nod or hand shake. I have also witnessed many uncomfortable waves or smiles to people they know only through their friends stories. It's also pretty common to see the disastrous sight of an athlete sitting in class without another athlete, it's like a fish out of water. They don't know what to do or who to talk to. So if you are an athlete reading this, in all honesty you are not free of the socially awkward status and most likely you helped Clark reach the number two position. So congratulations. 


I do love Clarkies and their ability to pair awful outfits together as well as jump into trash cans to save a plastic bottle and honestly my college experience would be much more boring without them but at times I really just have to say vom.com to them. 

For the record: we are the Cougars, not the Clarkies. 

Teen Momma.

Everybody knows the show Teen Mom. Many people watch it. I must say, I do. It's quite entertaining. There's one couple however that just rubs me the wrong way. Why you may ask? Well, because it's basically a threesome. There's the baby's daddy, the mamma, and the new boyfriend but it's unclear if the original two are actually over or not... Talk about Baby Mamma Drama. 


To add to that (don't hate me for saying this) the baby is hands-down the ugliest boy in all the seasons. I'm not saying babies need to be cute but I'm just saying when odd couples mate, it doesn't get pretty. That isn't even the reason they made this blog though... 


When the mom and dad were together they lived in the father's house, which is fine no big deal EXCEPT that they stayed living together when they broke up and then she started dating the new boy. He works at Olympia Sports and is abnormally tall. If you were wondering if Big Foot exists... He does. And he's dating a mother on Teen Mom. These two are the most awkward I've ever watched on television. There was an uncomfortable "sex talk" and an uncomfortable first birthday party documented on the show and other than those two events they just sit around in silence... Overall these two are odd looking and awkward.  


The father and mother of the child are pretty uncomfortable too because it is very unclear whether or not they are still hooking up. In my opinion they are. Which just makes this a whole mess of a relationship. And it's rumored that they hooked up and are back together... I can only hope they don't roll the dice again and reproduce. Although her current boyfriend wouldn't be much of a better idea either...

Half-Runners.

So I was eating breakfast this morning when I saw something very normal for my school. A half-runner. Maybe you don't know what this is but I do, and it just makes me say vom.com. Here's the scenario...


Someone is running late to class, or trying to rush to lunch, or a date, or wherever they are going... So they start running (backpack flailing, hair all over the place, maybe their books are being dropped) so you spot them running and you think "Oh they must be in quite a rush..." Then, mid-thought they just stop running. Less than half way to their destination. Without getting to the door of the building. They stop running. And start walking. Slowly. Why on Earth did they even start running? 


There is no way you ran fast enough to actually make much of a difference time-wise if you stop running not even half way there! It really bothers me. I'm not saying it's against the law or anything but in my mind if you want to look foolish running across campus to class, you might as well fully commit and run the entire way there. 

The Pretty Couple.

This is a very special Mystery Couple Monday because it's the couple who inspired this blog. And today happens to be their anniversary. They are the most vom.com worthy couple in the whole wide world...


First when you see them all you can say is "you're too cute it's disgusting" they are one of THOSE couples. Too attractive for their own good (not to up their egos but they are a handsome couple as my grandmother says). At first when they started dating it was picture after picture all over Facebook of them smiling together, posing in the snow, posing at coffee shops, hugging, kissing, DISGUSTING. It was just too much, I'm sure you've all encountered couples like this. I won't lie I was encouraging it - we ALL were. Writing comments like "this is TOO cute" or "I love you guys" well then next thing I knew the comments changed to "this is too cute for words, makes me sick." so I started writing "vom.com" obviously. They also write things on each others pictures and walls like (and this is a direct quote) "it's not possible or anyone to be any more attractive than this :)" Really? News flash: there are many other people in the world more attractive, just because you are blinded by love doesn't mean you have to blow up my newsfeed with this.

Other than the constant Facebook PDA there were the tweets. Every single day they were apart (over the summer and then the next semester) a tweet came to my phone saying something like "Ugh. Smelt some flowers today #imissher" or "Ate a sandwich #imissher" Can we all say vom.com together? Thanks. Also I'm a creeper and have looked at a few texts from them (if you leave your phone in public I may just read through your texts FYI) and I saw some pretty lame ones, for example "I just made the best pie..." the next one said "Now I'm bored... I miss you" within two seconds. A little too much for my gag reflexes. 


When they first started being boyfriend and girlfriend they went on a disgustingly cute date. I'm talking romantic comedy corny too cute date. That's right, I'm talking about dinner and coffee date with ice skating in the city in the snow. Where he finally asked her to be his girlfriend officially. Vomatrocious. Also there is a folder on his computer that is entitled "Her" which consists of hundreds of pictures of them together or just Facebook pictures that she looks pretty in. Or even pictures of just their faces talking on video chat. I may add that almost every one of those pictures is entitled something like "Beautiful" or "<3" "love" "pretty" "first date" (blah blah blah too much cuteness). 


ALSO they watch certain television shows together and literally they won't watch them without each other. You may think this isn't a huge deal but it makes it so that when I want to watch one of these funny, great tv shows I can't watch it as a family. Or talk about it. And yes they were backed up on watching for like 7 months because of the distance, so it really got to the point where it was ridiculous... Luckily they are back together and caught up so I can talk about current events again. 


They are also one of those couples who  are constantly touching each other either hugging or holding hands or having their arms around each other (not in a gross too much PDA way but in a puppy dog love kind of way). Since they are back together I can only imagine that their friends are constantly holding back the puke as they see them walking around campus or listening to them talk about each other and how much they are obsessed with each other. 

Anyway happy anniversary to you both. 

Hope your day is filled with vom.com moments. 

His Facial Hair.

This post doesn't even need words. 

Just pictures.

The End.

Pau Gasol.

Just look at the nasty, sweaty, hairy, big-nosed, yucky man. I apologize that was a little harsh but EVERY time I watch a Lakers game I gag and cringe. Mostly because Pau Gasol is on the team. I honestly will take it as far as saying he is probably the only man in the NBA I would not date, and probably one of the only men over 6 feet that I would not date. His face is always hairy, but even when he does shave it... It ain't pretty.... 

See... Told ya so. Apart from his beard (which is not even a full beard, just scraggly and uneven) his hair is always sweaty and stringy and in his face. Of course having it in his face makes it a little nicer since then I can't see it as well, it goes paired with the fact that long hair is not cute on boys (refer to my previous post). 


Also, he plays on the Lakers and therefore I can't stand him. Regardless. Sorry but I'm a big Celtics fan and even seeing the purple and gold colors together just rub me the wrong way. He also always has his mouth open when he is playing which shows me he is a mouth breathe-er and probably even chews with his mouth open. It also reveals some really jacked up teeth. Lastly I don't think he is THAT good. Of course most of that comes from the fact that he works for the enemy but still he did not do well in the playoffs last year. Averaging about a 42% shooting average during those games (haha sucks to suck) just doesn't add up for me. 


I will leave you all with a great selection of pictures of, in my opinion, one of the ugliest humans on this Earth... Mr. Pau Gasol. Very vom.com worthy if you ask me. 

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes... 

Saying AYYY OHHHH I am ugly... 

I mean really... Time to go into a cave. 

For life. 

Obsessed with Each Other.

We all know couples like this. Where you literally don't see one without the other and if you do they are literally crying because they miss them so much. It really doesn't matter if they are the cutest couple in the world or ugly and creepy looking - it's annoying. 

Don't get me wrong I adore love, and I think it's great that people have found it out there in the world but I don't need to see you macking hard everywhere you go. Here are a few helpful hints for you to see if you have become a couple like this... 

1. Is your significant other the only one who writes on your Facebook wall or the only one who tweets at you? 

2. Have you been more than five feet away from them within the past three months? 

3. Do you wear matching outfits out to parties? 

4. Can you not go five minutes without speaking about or to them? 

5. Are you seen making out or tickling each other in public daily? 

If any of these questions describe your relationship it is possible you are probably too obsessed with your significant other. Unless you want people to start yelling vom.com at you every day, I would suggest pulling yourself together and hanging out with other people.