Not Clearing the Microwave.

This always comes up when I'm home. No one ever clears the microwave buttons (so that it reads the time) after using it. This really has me thinking vom.com for a few reasons... 

First of all, just set the microwave to the time you need it to be set to and this will never be a problem. Don't set it for four minutes and stop it at one minute... Just set it for three. The only time I can really approve of stopping the microwave early is when making popcorn, because let's face it those bags NEVER pop at the desired speed. 

Second of all, if you do have to stop the microwave prematurely simply press "Cancel" twice. It's so easy, you're already exposing yourself to all the radiation you could ever need, might as well press the button twice. (Just a friendly public service announcement... It beeps three times at the end because it's getting rid of the radiation... Premature opening of the microwave is dangerous)

How much of a difference does 45 seconds even make?!

The worst part of all of this is, I'll come out of my room after a nap to grab a snack and look to the microwave for the time (because it's at my eye level... AKA above the stove) and see "3:20" and think "OMG I OVERSLEPT AND MISSED MY SHOWS" or "Oh... I only slept for twenty minutes?" Then I realize... "OH NO someone decided to abort heating up their lunch and left me to ponder how long I slept." It's also confusing sometimes: Is the microwave set to one minute? Or is it one o'clock? 

GURL WUT TIME IZ IT?

I know you may be thinking "Gurllll re-to-the-lax, it's just a microwave" but yah know... It's more than that. It's a clock too and when I look at it I don't like seeing "Press Start" flashing across the little screen. So when you heat something up, whether it's popcorn, mac and cheese, or a burrito (I don't know just things I'm craving)... Just press the cancel button twice. Or wait it out and have a delicious HOT meal instead of a luke warm one. 

Ding! Perfect Timing.

Burnt Coffee.

Alright. It's been awhile and I apologize... But I'm back... With a vengeance. One thing that makes me wanna scream VOM.COM?? 

Burnt Coffee. 

Okay, I expect this from places like Jazzman's or the Bistro at school - the coffee isn't good and it never will be. But when I go to Dunkin's or Starbucks, especially Dunks, and I sip on what I assume will be a delicious iced coffee and it's BURNT... I literally wanna throw it out the window (because let's face it, I'm always in the car drinking coffee... I live for drive thrus). 

Where all burnt coffee deserves to be. 

The worst part about burnt coffee from Dunks is that there's literally nothing you can do about it. You can't go back and beg for a non-burnt cup because if one cups burnt the rest is too... And you can't have them re-brew the whole pot because there will absolutely be a lugey floating in your cup if you do. I mean honestly it ruins your whole day. How can you enjoy a cup of coffee if it tastes like your licking pavement, or an ash tray. 

The worst part is of course that it's always in the morning or mid-afternoon when I really need a pick me up when this happens. I personally have been a barista and it's honestly hard to burn coffee, I don't know how people do it but somehow they manage quite frequently and it really is awful. It ruins your day, your mouth, and your breath for sure. 

Me too man, me too... 

This girl is clearly depressed over her cup o' Joe. 

So next time you take a nice big sip of coffee and it's burnt, think of me and chuck up the deuces and throw that NAST cup out the window yelling VOM.COM. 

Smelly smells coffee. 

Mayonnaise.

This is probably one of the only posts that could actually have me vomiting. I hate mayo. I hate looking at it, I hate the taste of it, I even hate the word. I gag just thinking of it. I never eat it. I'm not sure where this disgust for it came from but I have a feeling it was when my sister was younger and would ask for "Mayonnaise Sandwiches" yes, you guessed it: nasty, chunky, slimy mayonnaise in between bread. VOM.COM... 

About to lose my lunch over this picture. 

I never eat mayonnaise as I said above... It's not just mental, if it's on a sandwich I can tell. I usually just eat turkey sandwiches, just turkey and bread. Let me tell you people think I'm weird but I've thrown many a sandwich out or given them away because I can detect the mayo. You may be thinking "I've seen this girl eat potato salad and chicken salad" well news flash I scrape as much of the mayonnaise off each little parcel of food before putting it in my mouth - watch me closely next time I'm at a picnic or cookout, I basically just eat the chunks of potatoes and chicken.


The fact that people eat mayo after seeing what it looks like I do not understand. It's chunky and nasty and makes me think of throw up, especially in large quantities. At work this summer I had to transfer mayonnaise from a huge tub into little personal containers and it was literally the worst day of my life. I had to stop halfway through and bribe someone else to finish the job. The truth is whether it's in large quantities or small packets it still looks like puss. No. Thank. You. 

I've had many poor mayo moments in my life, like having to watch a Fear Factor remake at camp where the contestants had to eat a bucket of mayonnaise with their bare hands, plain. Gross. I would have preferred watching them eat live spiders or eaten the live spiders myself than witnessing that. The worst though was when I had a babysitter who loved mayonnaise probably more than life itself and would eat the stuff plain, on hamburgers, on french fries, etc. But the most horrifying moment was when we were at McDonald's and she grabbed a packet of it and spread it on her straw and sucked her coke up through the straw taking the mayo with it! I almost died. I've never been the same since. 

I would honestly prefer to die than have to do this.

If you ever do this, do me a favor and stop being my friend. 

This post is getting to be a little too much for me but I will leave you with this. NEVER come near me with mayonnaise, even in a joking manner because the joke will be on you when I throw up all over you and your sandwich. 

Brad and Angelina.

So I'm pretty sure I'm one of the only ones who feels this way, so please don't have a heart attack or disown me but I CAN'T stand this couple. They give me a bad taste in my mouth and make it so that if they are pictured in a magazine or on television I turn the channel or throw the magazine across the room. 


Why you might ask? Well, I'm going to bring you back to 1998 and a beautiful happy couple that everyone (including myself) fell in love with... Brad and Jennifer. Remember them? Because I do. They say you don't forget your first love and this was one the first celebrity couples I really loved (besides Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears of course). And maybe that's why I'm so bitter but still... I remember that poor Jenn wanted children but Brad "wasn't ready". I remember how cute they looked all the time. I remember his guest starring role on Friends. I remember a lot. But the main thing I remember was a film called Mr. and Mrs. Smith when it all came crashing down. 

That's right people Brad and Angelina started out as a home wrecking, cheating couple, and cheaters are scum. Okay... I apologize that was a little rough but it's annoying no one seems to remember how they started seeing each other while he still was wearing his wedding ring... And it also annoys me that he "wasn't ready for kids" but the second he was with Angelina he decided to adopt Africa. 


Don't get me wrong I love Brad Pitt and I don't mind Angelina Jolie (sometimes) but together I just can't do it. And just to clear the air... I'm also not hoping for Brad and Jenn to get back together because she's way better off single than with a cheater (anyone is for that matter). 


I mean come on people... I'm not saying they aren't a great couple who do a lot for the world with all their money but they are also a couple who started with infedility. Vom.com at it's best. That's why they were chosen for the celebrity addition of Mystery Couple Monday... I just can't stop the taste of bile creeping up into my mouth when I see them herding around their small army because I can only think about Jenn. 

Clarkies.

A few weeks ago my school was rated one of the most socially awkward schools in America, to be specific it was rated the second most socially awkward school in America. You may wonder how this is possible or why my school? Well I have your answer: Clarkies.


Clarkies are a rare breed in this world. One of the most entertaining breeds that exist, it's very hard to describe them to people who haven't been to my school but once you've been here you know who and what they are. I'll start to describe them to you first from the outside.


They are very interesting in their sense of style. It is very normal here to see girls walking around wearing tutus paired with rainbow leggings and cat ears. I know, you think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. Believe me I wish I was exaggerating. Clarkies can actually make Lady Gaga look normal... Quite often there are girls who don't wear bras, don't shave their legs or armpits, and don't really shower much either. I'm all for "living free" but it's disturbing when you are running on a treadmill letting it all hang lose. What people wear to the gym in general is an interesting experience. I see someone wearing jeans almost everyday and I've even seen someone running barefoot on the machines. The absolute best though is when they come wearing neon leggings, cut off tee-shirts and a high side ponytail. (not as a joke either, they really think that is proper gym attire) Basically if you were to walk around my campus for 30 minutes you would either see people running around in overalls and tie dye socks or athletes wearing all grey or all red sweat pants and sweat shirt combos... That's about as fashionable people at Clark get.

Let's just say I wouldn't be surprised to find out Lady Gaga went to Clark

Very "Clarkie" kind of outfit... Recycled wrappers for fashion

There's more to Clarkies than meets the eye however. They are all about "challenging convention and changing the world" which apparently means recycling and not wasting things. Okay, don't get upset with me here, I am all for recycling or not wasting electricity and food because some people don't have those things but sometimes I just want to throw my trash away in peace. Not at Clark though. Almost every trash can on campus has at least four options (trash, paper, bottles, compost, etc) which makes it very difficult to just throw your trash away in a hurry. Most times I just toss it into whichever is closer but Clarkies get real mad when you do that. Most of the time they actually spend time digging through the trash and sorting it into the proper containers. (vom.com at its finest right there) My opinion is you should really value your own hygiene and dignity over proper recycling. Another "saving the world" act that Clarkies are all about is flushing the toilet. There are special toilets on campus where you are supposed to flush down for #2 and pull up for #1... Sorry about it, I always flush down because I don't touch the flusher. Absolutely not. And newsflash most of the campus flushes down too. Pretty sure it's too much effort to stop, look, and then flush.

Literally found on every toilet at Clark

Where you can throw your trash out... Or find a Clarkie

The best example of Clarkies trying to change the world had to be the "Occupy Clark" movement, however. Instead of protesting outside or on Wall Street, our Clarkies took over a space in our Academic Commons (AKA our library). Literally pitched a tent, brought sleeping bags, food, an air mattress, and their homework and sat there for about a week. Everyone I spoke to decided that it was not the best "protesting" area, especially since our academic commons is heated and there are bathrooms in there... Definitely sending a message to Wall Street there! To be far they did move outside for a night... Not to Worcester where it's dangerous and ghetto, but to our campus green. At least they moved their tents out there because in the time they were out there I never once saw one of them outside the tents, so it's very unclear if they were even out there or not

Just cramming for my midterms... 

I mean occupying Wall Street!

The thing is athletes on campus think they are a lot less awkward than Clarkies but the truth of the matter is everyone at Clark is socially awkward. Period. I have seen a few times where at a bar or party people who used to date or have "hooked up" greet each other with a high five. A. HIGH. FIVE. Or even a head nod or hand shake. I have also witnessed many uncomfortable waves or smiles to people they know only through their friends stories. It's also pretty common to see the disastrous sight of an athlete sitting in class without another athlete, it's like a fish out of water. They don't know what to do or who to talk to. So if you are an athlete reading this, in all honesty you are not free of the socially awkward status and most likely you helped Clark reach the number two position. So congratulations. 


I do love Clarkies and their ability to pair awful outfits together as well as jump into trash cans to save a plastic bottle and honestly my college experience would be much more boring without them but at times I really just have to say vom.com to them. 

For the record: we are the Cougars, not the Clarkies. 

Teen Momma.

Everybody knows the show Teen Mom. Many people watch it. I must say, I do. It's quite entertaining. There's one couple however that just rubs me the wrong way. Why you may ask? Well, because it's basically a threesome. There's the baby's daddy, the mamma, and the new boyfriend but it's unclear if the original two are actually over or not... Talk about Baby Mamma Drama. 


To add to that (don't hate me for saying this) the baby is hands-down the ugliest boy in all the seasons. I'm not saying babies need to be cute but I'm just saying when odd couples mate, it doesn't get pretty. That isn't even the reason they made this blog though... 


When the mom and dad were together they lived in the father's house, which is fine no big deal EXCEPT that they stayed living together when they broke up and then she started dating the new boy. He works at Olympia Sports and is abnormally tall. If you were wondering if Big Foot exists... He does. And he's dating a mother on Teen Mom. These two are the most awkward I've ever watched on television. There was an uncomfortable "sex talk" and an uncomfortable first birthday party documented on the show and other than those two events they just sit around in silence... Overall these two are odd looking and awkward.  


The father and mother of the child are pretty uncomfortable too because it is very unclear whether or not they are still hooking up. In my opinion they are. Which just makes this a whole mess of a relationship. And it's rumored that they hooked up and are back together... I can only hope they don't roll the dice again and reproduce. Although her current boyfriend wouldn't be much of a better idea either...

Half-Runners.

So I was eating breakfast this morning when I saw something very normal for my school. A half-runner. Maybe you don't know what this is but I do, and it just makes me say vom.com. Here's the scenario...


Someone is running late to class, or trying to rush to lunch, or a date, or wherever they are going... So they start running (backpack flailing, hair all over the place, maybe their books are being dropped) so you spot them running and you think "Oh they must be in quite a rush..." Then, mid-thought they just stop running. Less than half way to their destination. Without getting to the door of the building. They stop running. And start walking. Slowly. Why on Earth did they even start running? 


There is no way you ran fast enough to actually make much of a difference time-wise if you stop running not even half way there! It really bothers me. I'm not saying it's against the law or anything but in my mind if you want to look foolish running across campus to class, you might as well fully commit and run the entire way there.